The ins & outs of impact play
Q: My partner wants me to spank her, but I don’t know the best way to go about it. Do I just use my hands? What other things can I try that will hurt - in a good way, not a bad way?
Hi lovely! I like a kink with varying degrees of difficulty: that way, it can be new and exciting or easy and reliable, and there’s always room to level up. Impact play (hitting or striking someone with your hands or other implements) is great for this. Even folks who hang out on the vanilla end of the spectrum most likely have some experience giving a well-timed ass slap or two. But oh, what more you can do!
Let’s start with hand spanking. To warm up your partner, practice your aim, and make a super-satisfying sound, start by cupping your hands to create some space between your palms and their backside. After some blood rushes to the area and you get your bearings, you can switch to more of a flat-handed slap. If you’re trying something new that can cause pain, do a test of your partner’s tolerance by slowly upping the intensity of your strikes and asking her to rate them on a 1-10 scale. This will help you agree on a range to stay within - but since it’s not a perfect science, and tolerance can change, you should always have a safe word. Spanking can be done in all kinds of positions: during doggy-style, or with her lying over your knee, standing with her hands against the wall, or restrained with handcuffs. Megan, a 33 year old woman, counts spanking as one of her favorite activities: “I love how impact play can bring you right into the moment. My anxiety can be loud, but when I'm receiving a good spanking, I can't think about anything other than the here and now.”
If your partner is into it, you don’t have to limit your hits to her ass. Whether you’re using your hands or an implement, most spots on the body are ripe for exploration: upper arms, tits, upper back, inner or outer thighs, even the bottom of the feet. A few safety tips: never hit the lower back/kidney area with anything, and be extra cautious with more sensitive areas like her stomach, vulva or face (especially the ears and jaw). Bruising is somewhat inevitable, so determine her comfort level, and be aware of what parts might be visible to others - you don’t want raised eyebrows or worse from the in-laws and neighbors. If you need to heal a bruise quickly (hickeys included!), a combination of ice and arnica gel goes a long way.
There are a bunch of choices if you want to expand your repertoire past your hands. Most hitting implements fall into one of two categories: stingy or thuddy. Understandably, the wider and heavier the object, the more thuddy it will feel. Paddles (low difficulty) are usually made from soft leather - sometimes even with a fuzzy back - but if sitting down isn’t a high priority, you can get them in hard plastic or solid wood. Classic floggers - with thick suede tails - also deliver a thuddy sensation, and can even feel more like a massage than a beating on your upper back. But they’re upping your game by quite a few degrees, and require some pretty excellent hand-eye coordination. A big no-no with floggers is letting the tails wrap around your partner’s lower back, again because of the proximity to her kidneys. If you can’t avoid that, more practice (on a pillow or dress form) might be necessary. YouTube videos can aid in demonstrating specific techniques, but once you’ve perfected two floggers at a time, it’s sexy AND a hell of a party trick.
A riding crop - yep, just like the kind for horses - is a good low difficulty toy for more of a stingy feeling. If you want to kick it up a notch, a cane is a perfect intermediate. Canes are typically made out of bamboo or other wood, and with good aim and patience, they make the best marks - picture a line of stripes down each butt cheek. To deliver what I consider to be the most intense sting, aim for right under the spot where her ass meets her legs. And if you want to go the flogger route but stingy is more your style, try one where the tails are made out of silicone or rubber. Want more of a snap? A slapper - like a thinner paddle with two connected pieces - is the sophisticated version of a wet towel in a locker room. Think you’ve mastered all that impact play has to offer? Then I (cautiously) recommend looking into something like a single tail whip. But practicing first is imperative, since those fuckers can break the skin.
You can also heighten the experience with role play. Spanking and other forms of impact play pair seamlessly with punishment scenarios: teacher and naughty schoolgirl, step-parent and disobedient teen, priest and rebellious nun...the possibilities are endless, and you don’t even need to hit the sex shop for implements. A good hairbrush, wooden spoon, leather belt, or ruler can lend some realism to your scene, and with a little imagination (or maybe an old Halloween costume), you can step into whatever character you want to play. And that brings us back to the key word in all kinky endeavors: play. When it comes to impact play, keep it safe, keep it communicative, and absolutely keep it playful!
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